The thing in my eye

I stare in shock , breathe seized, eyes wide open and mouth agape with incredulity at the words that I have just heard….”Kiss me”.

I should not be shocked right? Especially since I live in a world where immorality is almost the order of the day and ungodliness reigns as a king . I experience this moment of brain freeze because this two word sentence just fell off the mouth of a guy that is supposed to be my church friend! (Dear lord !what’s happening). Of course I turned him down with a roll of my eyes, the clap of my hands, and the movement of my feet in the opposite direction away from him . I  make up my mind not to talk to him again. N:B: The guy is super duper fine!.

Just when my over analysing brain was processing the nonsense that is gradually becoming a norm, I mistakenly run into someone, I apologise profusely.

“Don’t worry…what’s your name?”. He says to me calmly and  with a smile.

“My name is Kiitan Sir”. I reply respectfully.He ask me a few more questions and I realise that he was formerly the head of  the unit I served in at church.

“Why are you not heading the unit anymore sir?”I ask innocently.

“I was transferred to another state”He replies. At this information, my respect doubles and I courtesy at every response I gave to the question he asked.

Fast forward to a week later and I am squirming in my sit as his gaze roams my body. Immediately I get home, I block off then delete his number. I am grieved in my spirit “How can a spiritual leader be like this?” , Ären’t there any good guys anymore ?”. I am so pissed and I harbour bitterness in my heart like a favourite memory. Ï thought to myself, ” if people in church are like this , then I must be super holy!”. I see people wear the Christian Jersey but in their heart, they are full of darkness……Pfffh”. At this, I get the liberty to condemn, and become full of self righteous indignation but I didn’t know what I was doing. I  unconsciously condemned friends and strangers  silently in the secret chambers of my heart when I see them doing stuffs that I termed as unholy.

Good girl abi!

I began to condemn…..Do you remember the servant  in the bible who after he had been forgiven of his huge debt by his master, arrested  another servant who owed him even though it was far less than the forgiven debt he had owed his master? I thought that was foolish and  condemned him severely when I read the story .  (Matthew 18:21-25) .I was brushing my teeth one day when he whispered to me. “Why are you holding so much bitterness” And in a flash he took me down my memory lane…I gasped at my history.

I have been showed love by Christ, I have accepted his grace, his presence intoxicates me and I love being in his presence. I have shed tears on the intensity of his love! I am in awe of the fact that someone could love me unconditionally! But I was reminded …

I was reminded of my past..I may not have committed adultery or slept with a random person , but I have been in stupid relationships . There is no better sin…A person that allows  a boyfriend of 10 years explore her body and the other who does a one night stand  is the same.

Then I realise that there’s not a speck in my eyes but a big planck. 

I am the foolish servant the bible had written about. How can I claim to be of God and condemn in my heart?

 Christ forgave me of a greater debt (Sin). I should be condemned but he justified me,why then do I see it fit to throw stones at others as if it me they sinned to.

Who am I? Wasn’t I like them before Christ came and extended his love to me? I  did not qualify for this grace.. Why have I gone to arrest my colleague because he couldn’t pay his small debt even after my boss has forgiven me of a greater debt?

There was something in my eye and I did not know until he showed me a mirror of myself and then I removed the plank. Only then did I began to see with the lens of love.

Why condemn or judge when I can pray instead? 

Love compels us to pray…

We call out light from the darkness and not the other way round

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