I am sorry 8B is just coming your way.
I try to pray and spend time with God but I am not just feeling it. After I overhead Ashley speak to Kayla about hearing the spirit of God speak to her, I am more determined not to be left behind.
“My grace is enough for you.
“Why am I not feeling the spirit?” I am perplexed. “Lord why are you not speaking to me?”
In frustration I pick up my phone to play a song that will at least uplift my spirit. I scroll through my playlist and decide to play ‘Fill me up by Tasha cobbs’.
You provide the fire
I’ll provide the sacrifice
You provide the spirit
And I will open up inside
Fill me up God
Fill me up God.
I listen to the powerful voice of Tasha Cobbs but I still don’t feel my spirit lift. I hear the familiar BBM notification sound that tells me I have a message. I ignore it, I don’t want to be distracted.
I begin a force worship, willing God to descend in my spirit . From my peripheral vision I see the red light of my phone blink. I decide to pick up my phone from the bed so I can read the message and stop the distraction. I do this while I lift my other hands in worship as I mumble some prayers.
When I see the message I smile and my heart leaps in surprise . It is a message from my boss. This is the first time he is sending me a message outside work despite our good rapport.
“You’re distracted’’ My mind says.
“Let me just answer this one…” I reply to my mind.
I wake up several hours later with a feeling of emptiness. I had planned on praying and reconnecting to God as I used to do in the past but I had ended up talking work and non-work related issues with my boss, surfing the net and chatting with other people but the people I have next to me; the ones living in my house.
In my restlessness, I had woken up in the middle of the night and began to clean up an already clean house. I wake up groggy and tired.
I feel terrible this morning and I begin to cry. I don’t know why I am crying but I just feel the need to cry. I guess it is the emotions attached to pregnancy but on a deeper thought I think I am Jealous.
I am Jealous because I see other people around me basking in joy and peace that only Christ gives. I am jealous that Ashley my friend who used to never go to church but would rather party and sleep around glow. I see a beauty in her that had never been there before.
I want to connect back but at the same time I don’t. I am too ashamed to speak to someone about it as I have been a role model to many people in the past in their walk with God.
“People look up to me for God related issue but I have no desire for the things of God, I am content with my Job, my boss, my child still growing in me and my husband who has stopped arguing with me and has become sweeter. Truth be told, I am not challenged to need God .
I feel uncomfortable, I feel something is about to happen that I could have prevented. I discard the thoughts.
“After all the prayer Tayo makes abeg nothing can happen. I believe in the efficacy of his prayer”. I say to the uneasy thoughts of mind, dismissing it.
“Hello love you’re awake”. Tayo says with a cheerful voice.
“Hey dear, Good morning”.
“Morning love. How’s my Queen and princess doing? Tayo says as he place numerous kisses on my bulging stomach.
He lips trails kisses from my navel all the way to my lips. His hands and mouth moving simultaneously from my stomach to other parts of my body. I am expecting him to stop soon especially since it’s a week day and I have to go to work. When he shows no sign I hold his hand, halting any further movement.
I wriggle my body out of his hold. “Tayo I am not in the mood”
“Its been a while babe. I have missed your body, your taste, and your everything. I have been so engrossed with work, please naaaa”. He pleads like a child.
“Tayo I have never denied you before, you have to understand if I have to do it now. I am not in the mood, I am tired, besides I have to be in Abuja today …”
“That is the more reason why you shouldn’t stop, cause if you,start, you will get used to denying me”
“Okay”. I grumble as I allow him access to my body.
At least I can use this to justify my naughtiness and prove that I can be submissive. Today I am not thinking of myself.
“No way! You are not going anywhere”. Tayo said in a murderous voice as he angrily stormed out of the room. This happened after I mentioned that I would be travelling to Abuja
“Tayo you cannot stop me. This is the Job we prayed for” I respond with more venom. “I did not marry you to become a house wife with no brains. I am a career woman and my job demands that I travel”.
“Omolade please just shut up.I have tried to endure all of your nonsenses and pettiness and would have continued for as long as possible if I saw that you were making an attempt to be a better person. Let me repeat myself clearly to you, you are forbidden from travelling anywhere and if you dare disobey me then be ready not to work anymore”
I am stunned and speechless. Just after I have given Tayo access to my body despite the fact that I was not in the mood yet he is telling me that I cannot travel because I did not tell him on time. “Why are men so unreasonable? Why must I be the only one doing all the work in this marriage?”
Who says you’re the only one doing all of the work?
I look at my husband’s stony face and his fighting stance. “Tayo can’t you take my simple explanation? I said I forgot. Is it not your baby that has given me mommy brain? Ask your mother, do your research if you have to, pregnant women forget things!”
“Don’t you even try to manipulate me or bring my mother into this. That is very disrespectful of you and I know that you did not forget. I know you ooo”.
“I am sorry”. I grumble.
“It’s not bad if you forget and tell me late that you’re travelling. The problem is you being unremorseful. You showed no regard for me even when you mentioned it. You just said it casually…Like FYI sake“
“Sometimes you just act as if you have no husband. Does that ring not remind you of your responsibilities as a wife? Or do you think it’s for fashion? Or does my presence not remind you enough?
“Anyway I am going to work. For your sake don’t even think of disobeying me. He walks away.
I run after him.
“Baby I am sorry. Please now”. I kneel to plead.
For the first time I realise that Tayo’s silence and agreement to some of my excesses did not mean he has relinquished his position as my husband and the leader and head of the home. I have never seen him act this way before
Still on my knees, I wrap his legs with my hands and rest my head on him“Tayo I won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to go. But please just this trip…my love, olowo orimi please”.
Tayo looked at me for a long time and I become afraid.
“You can go”. He says in a low husky voice but I catch it immediately the words drops off his mouth
I squeal in delight, hugging and jump on him to place love kisses all over his face.
If there’s anything I learnt today, it’s It pays to be submissive and know how to pet your husband. Thank God I did not listen to my other spirit that wanted to prove Independent career woman.
Abuja Here I come!
FYI- For Your Information
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