HMP is coming to an end, so I will be concentrating fully on each character’s man’s palava itself. This episode comes in two parts, Karis tale from her point of view and the HMP series continuation from the writer’s view.
It’s a long read by the way!
*Thanks for reading*
I did not turn out to be a disciplinarian overnight or a revenge seeker. I used to be an extremely soft, loving , generous and friendly person . I like to think I’m still that way though, but only to close friends . Before I used to think that women falling in love with each other was reprehensible having grown up in a strict catholic environment,but now I understand.
I have been battered on every side in my quest for love, that’s if that even exist. I have faced terrible experiences with me as the main character, receiving both head boots and butt boots of what we call ‘love’ only that this was painful reality and there was no one to say “CUT“.
First it was Alex my high school buddy. Alex was very sweet and nice, even though his physical features was not close to the men described in most romance novels, he compensated the lack of it with his brain. Common! he was so intelligent and of course that tripped me and he became my BFF ( Not BF, there’s a difference between BF and BFF). I would run to him with all my problems especially when a guy tried playing smart with me which happened almost all the time. Voila! Alex advice always worked.
I was having terrible cramps one day, It was the time of the month when Mrs Red came to say Hi to me. Alex came to visit as usual, we were supposed to be studying but this time I couldn’t carry on cos’ of the pains so I cuddled on the bed with a teddy bear which one of my admirers had given me.
“Karis are you sure you don’t want me to call him” Alex had said jokingly.
“You’re crazy,instead of you to research on how this pain can go without me taking pain killers you’re asking me SAT question”. I retorted.
“I heard sex could help.One more time I ask do you want me to call him”. He repeated with a wink.
I jokingly threw my teddy bear on him, with the intention of making him keep quiet and that’s how we ended up having a pillow fight and you know what a pillow fight most times lead to? Well it happened and my BFF turned to BF and it was worse. I guess he still saw me as his BFF instead of his girlfriend. There was no laughter anymore, he hardly called and we fought all the time. When we were BFF, it was us against the world but when we got into a romantic relationship it became we against us.
This is were I tell you that I disagree with people when they say marry your best friend. Psssh indeed!
I thought I was wiser, but obviously not or else why would I be in this “Her man palava story?”.
The next two guys that came along, I friend zoned them which was good cos’ they eventually turned out to not to have sense at the end of the day. At this time I was feeling like a gangsta, singing “I am Titanium” until I was dragged down from my high horse by Kojo.
In my quest for looking for a guy who had sense I fell into Kojo’s trap. He was so sensitive, caring and of course intelligent.He would always call and send messages to me. It seemed he did not just care about me, he cared about my family cause’ he always asked about their welfare, he also cared about my career and future ambition, always giving me moral support when necessary, something the other guys never did… well maybe except Alex, and he did that when he was my BFF not as a BF.
Conversation flowed freely between Kojo and I like water flowing in a stream and I began to tell my friends and eventually my mum about him. I envisaged being his wife and carrying his child even though he had not asked me out officially. I became vulnerable and allowed him have bits of me till we will finally had sex even though we had only known each other for two months.Meanwhile , the ones before him I never shared a kiss. (SMH for myself!).
We were in the third month of our unofficial love relationship and I was already cocooned by his amazing love until when I came to a shocking discovery that my cookie was not that special cos’ he was getting some elsewhere. I was filled with venom and confronted him angrily, I just couldn’t believe I was in this love saga again!
“What the hell are you fussing and cussing for? How did I do wrong in making love to my girlfriend”. He fired back at me.
I was shocked at his response “What girlfriend?” I asked quietly.
“The girl you saw on my phone of course . I have been going out with her for 3 years. That girl has been with me through thick and thin”. He stated unapologetic, no iota of remorse.
I felt miserable and began to cry.
“So what am I Kojo?” I screamed at him holding onto his shirt tightly. Now that I look back, I’m sure I must have looked deranged.
For an answer he flung me to the floor and walked out on me and I have not seen him since then.
That was my major heartbreak, however it was good cos’ it made me focus on school.
I remained single until Amir the drama dude. remember him? came to my life, but this time I was ready. To be honest I was almost swept of my feet for Amir was sleek. He was fun to be with, we went to expensive places, he made me enjoy my weekend but I could foresee that he was going to try the same technique as Kojo.
I would have fallen hook, line and sinker for Amir only that he never called regularly and never asked of my welfare but always remembered to ask if I was on my period or if I was available on Friday for turn up or the weekend for a show, event or dinner. The only reason why I allowed it to go on for a while, was because he was smart, secondly he knew fun places, thirdly he was fine,tall and elegant. I started to develop feelings for him (That’s normal I guess) but my head reset itself from fantasy to reality when one day he mentioned that he would get me some sexy lingerie so I could dance for him (oh the nerve of the goat!). I gave a sardonic smile. Of course, I did my research and I knew I was not the only girl he was seeing.
It was a Friday and we decided to turn up. We had gone to three different clubs but I made sure my head was clear and I didn’t take too much alcohol. I acted drunk around him, kissed him silly from his earlobe down to lips and down there…(By the way I am a good kisser). For months I had led him on without giving him what he wanted but now I was showing signs to finally have wild sex with him so I could understand his eagerness to ravish the delectable tempt. When we were half way getting to this expensive hotel he had booked,I asked the driver to stop , by then Amir had already taken off his shirt.
“Hey babe, let me get a condom”.
“We will get at the hotel, come back here..” He replied dragging me closer to him.
“I use a special brand, if I don’t get that then I am sorry I have to go home”.
He immediately let me go. I got back later to the car to find him naked and the driver nowhere to be found, I picked my purse and discreetly removed the battery from his phone. I walked out of his life but not without leaving him stranded, deflating his ego and then his tyre.
So here I am, tell me why I would want Leroy to go unpunished? Or is tears and heartache meant for women only?
Her Man Palava
Her Man Palava
She was surprised to find the door opened so she swiftly scanned the environment to avoid impending danger. Her senses were on full blast alertness to capture any strange sound or movement .She summoned courage before going inside but not without her pepper spray at hand.
“Is this girl drunk? why would she leave her house opened. I just hope she’s okay”. She thought to herself.
She was now at the center of the living room, when she caught a faint sound come from the passage. Adrenaline pumped heavily in her veins and the sudden sound made her run to the kitchen to hide in one of the cabinets. After five minutes and nothing happened she came out of her hiding spot. She picked up a baseball stick she had found behind the door in one hand and held on to her pepper spray on the other hand before tiptoeing to the direction in which the sound was coming from.
As she concentrated more on the sound which happened to be coming from one of the rooms, she became more confused. She took a breather so her racing heart could calm down and allow her brain interpret the sound code coming from the closed doors .
First it was the sound of heavy breathing that resembled the sound of a dog on heat. Her heart began to race again in fear.
“Maybe someone is strangling her”. Her pessimistic mind voiced.
She was about to pick her phone hoping to call the police when she got stopped in her tracks by another sound. This time it was a moan, followed by heavy panting and then “Hmmm”, “Haaa”,’Hooo”, “Shit” and finally a strangled scream. It didn’t take her long to understand what was going on.
She became bilious with rage and began to shake . “Shit shit” She cussed silently before moving away from the door.
She was scrolling through her phone when an idea hit her. She smiled to herself as she mapped out her evil plan. She was now sited in the kitchen, slowly sipping on a bottle of Vodka, Rihanna’s ‘Man down’ song playing in her head. She tapped her fingers to the beat.
“Hi Austin, Hi Neptune”. She greeted her invited guest 10 mins after she had put a call through to them.
“Shall we?” She asked, arched brows shot up.
“Sure”. They responded.
“Oh the benefits of tipping club bouncers and making them your friends”. She smiled at her thought
She got up from the bar stool, picked up the large pot on the kitchen counter which was now filled with pepper seasoned slightly heated water and walked briskly to the door of doom.
As she got closer to the door,she heard more sounds and got angry again. She forcefully kicked open the door and lo and behold she caught him just as he was sucking on a taut nipple. Her ears had not deceived her, neither had her brain tricked her. Before anyone of them could say “A“. She forcefully splashed the peppered seasoned slightly hot water on them. Oblivious to their shout of pain, shock and discomfort she followed through with her plan.
She did a sign language to her invited guest, Kosi and Neptune “Quickly blindfold this male goat and take him to the car”. She would later send them the address where he would be dropped and properly dealt with.
Now she faced the ‘She goat’ which happened to be Shade. She grabbed her by her hair and gave her a resounding slap before dragging her to the bathroom to wash the pepper off her face.
Shade yelped in pain, begging Karis to forgive her but she ignored her plea.
“Shut up you bitch! I need to correct the compulsive disorder in your brain”. Karis screamed.
“How dare you waste my precious time! I took my tired worn out self to sort out your shit and then you go back to that asshole in less than ..how many days or weeks ??”. Karis released her frustration and anger through tears as she reprimanded Shade. She was disappointed and emotionally drained.
She paused to look at her stupid friend crying like a buffalo.
“What are you again Shade?, what happened to your to your ‘Hell hath no fury,like a woman scorned ? Don’t you have an atom of pride in you or self-worth? ” She paused to clean the tears that had now flooded her face.
“I am ashamed to call you my friend. Leroy must be so good in bed for him to make you more stupid than his already stupid self. NONSENSE!”. Karis hissed, pacing round the room as she released pent-up anger.
She walked angrily to her car and sped away. When she stopped at a red light, she grabbed the steering with both hands and bent to cry. Yes she was angry and disappointed with Shade for going back to Leroy after all that had happened and even when they were still planning on how to punish him so he will be cured of his testosterone controlled spirit , but still she couldn’t leave her friend that way.
She met Shade at the same spot in the room where she had left her still weeping.
“I am sorry Karis, I did not mean to disappoint you. It was a moment of weakness “. Shade pleaded upon citing Karis.
“I thought I was over him, until I started drinking”.
“Really? just say you were sex starved?” Karis laughed.
“you’re crazy, I did not say I was sex starved, I said the drink made me…..”
Karis burst out in laughter, making it difficult for Shade complete her sentence.
“No explanation love , I know what we can do with that weakness. It will aid our plan”. Karis gave a sardonic laugh as she mentally made plans.
“Karis I think we should just let him be, let’s leave him to God to deal with”. Shade now pleaded.
“Don’t talk such drivel Shade. I have been treated badly in the past and I left it to God and the baboons got away with it and they are probably doing same to another girl, no way am I leaving anything to sentiment this time especially not when it’s a friend I care about”. Karis stated firmly.
“Shade it’s your life , you choose to do whatever you wish, but this is me repaying you for being by me when I was still singing ” My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine, you’re crazy and I’m out of mind..cause all of me loves all of you….”
They both laughed as they remembered the days when “All of me” by John legend used to be Karis best song now she claimed her favorite song was Rihanna’s stupid in love.
“I agree, let’s do it. What do we do first?” Shade asked.
Image source: google
BF : Boyfriend
BFF : Best friends
SMH : Shaking my head